Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
