whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
