it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
