barbara walters just said penis...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
this hospital has no fireball
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
