Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
