I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
