They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
