Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
