Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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