May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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