I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
