Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
