So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
