I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
