so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
