So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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