Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
