exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
