Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
