I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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