This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Houston, we have a blender
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
