i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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