Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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