He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
