I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
