dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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