Porn is love you can see.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
