I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
