I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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