New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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