Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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