It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
