What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
whose ass print is on the piano?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
