I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
17 year olds will be the death of me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
