I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
