I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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