This dress was meant to end up on your floor
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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