and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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