If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
