too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
