I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize