on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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