phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize