Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
