he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
