i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
