I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
