Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
