I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
