He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
