I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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