Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
