She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
