Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
