lets start a swedish sibling band together
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
