I cannot find my penis.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize