how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize