i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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