So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
