Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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