Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
