If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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