If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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