I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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