I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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