Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
