What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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