If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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